The past few weeks have been a bit disheartening.  I noticed that I was tired, both physically and mentally, and that my focus on what really matters was just a bit out of whack.  I had a huge case of the What Ifs…. You know, the “What Ifs!”  They go something like this…What if my business fails? What if nobody wants to work for me? What if I am not doing good work?  What if I don’t get the next insurance contract?  What if plain and simple I just fail? (aka anxiety) And that is just my professional life.

In my personal life, I was stunned to step back and look at what all four of my kiddos were facing over the next few weeks.  My oldest had recently moved to Texas and had started her first big girl job, and my second daughter started college this week.  That would be enough all on it’s own, for the “what ifs,” but let’s add that Parker, who has Autism, will start kindergarten in a week.  He has spent the past year and half in special programs and the choice to mainstream him into kindergarten was a “What if” shit storm for months. We finally made the choice to send him to kindergarten and now we are about to see if we made the “right choice”  And finally our littlest will be starting pre-school. So hold on to your hat, the “What ifs” were out of control .  So on and on I spun.  This what-if-ing round lead to not sleeping, which lead to irritability. which lead to me feeling,well frankly, not good enough.

It all came to head several days ago when something I was hoping for with my business fell through and I came home, burst into tears, and said “I can’t do this.”  The urge to run upstairs, get into bed and watch the final season of Shameless while drinking a beer was in full display.  I call this “escape route mode.”  This urge was a clear sign that I need to slow down and refocus. That night I went to bed, cried, and let myself just feel it.

The next morning I began to re-evaluate and began to turn the “What ifs” into what actually is.  Let’s start first with my private practice.  What Is…I have clients.. I am serving people… I am feeling positive about the work I am doing, and I am paying my bills.  I realized that I needed to stand in what I have built, which is  pretty amazing, in a short period of time instead of looking so far ahead to the next goal that I forgot to be grateful for what I do have.  In fact I realized that if I ranked the top ten things that were important to me this thing that fell through wasn’t even close to the top ten.

And now let’s take those four precious kiddos of mine.  What is… I am here for them.  Each and every one of them.  I tell them often “I never learned anything from things that went well in my life.”  “It is the hard stuff when I truly had to pick my ass up that I learned the life lesson, that I grew, and that I drilled down to who I really am.”  So, I can “what if” forever and I can’t save them or prevent them from the hard stuff.  In fact, although the urge to keep them from tough stuff is there, I know deep down that this is where the beauty of living truly is.   I can’t rob them of the hard stuff because then I would rob them of building their resilience to hard stuff.  And hey, this life is hard, so they need that bounce factor.  So what is… those four kids are pretty darn amazing, healthy, kind, loving imperfect people.  What is: They too will hit hard times and I will be right here when they do.

So the take away…  When you get a case of the “What ifs” (aka anxiety)  turn the What ifs into WHAT IS!  Bonus if you can add a slice of gratitude to the WHAT IS  pie.  Take that, fear!

Here at Conscious Healing Counseling, we provide mental health support for individuals, families, children, teens, & couples.

Our wholehearted, individualized approach facilitates conscious change so you can live an authentic life filled with love and belonging.

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Author: Jamie Mosley

Jamie is board certified Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor and Certified Daring Way™ Facilitaor in Minnesota. She is passionate about living a wholehearted life. Dr. Brené Brown defines wholehearted living as “engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness.” She trusts that the wisdom to lead a healthy, joyful life is within each and every one of us and her role is to facilitate you in unlocking your own true wisdom.