Moving Perfectionism Out of the Way
I don’t know about you, but summer is my time. One of the things I find that gives me satisfaction is pulling up to my house and seeing my lawn mowed and my bushes trimmed. Now that being said I am not a huge fan of trimming bushes. It isn’t actually the trimming of the bushes, it is the million leaves and branches you have to pick up that really gets to me. Nothing screws with perfectionism quicker than the need to get every last leaf, stick, and branch.
Perfectionism is defined as a person striving for flawlessness while beating them selves up when they fall short. And if that isn’t enough it is mixed with worrying about how others perceive them.
A few weeks ago, I had spent several hours trimming the many bushes we have in our yard. I was pleased with myself and the work I had accomplished. I was excited to finish up and was going to be playing for the rest of the afternoon. I know that in order to tackle the week’s challenges I needed to find time to just play. I was excited to slow down, fill my cup, and connect with others. I hopped in my car to run to Target to get some supplies. As I was driving past my house I waited for that accomplished feeling I get when I see my yard all neat and trim. And then I saw it…. One of those damn bushes wasn’t even. I immediately began to think, when I get home I can quickly pull out the bush trimmer and even that out. And then I heard myself, “ If you do that you know it will just lead to more yard work and you will have to take another shower and before you know it your day off will be gone and you will be left feeling tired and drained and that won’t serve you as you head into the work week.” I knew in that moment I was rumbling with perfectionism and how others would view my uneven bush and how my desire to be flawless was getting in the way of taking care of me and my family. Even as I write this now I think, “Seriously, who really cares!”
On the drive to Target I let my mind roll over the research around Play. The research on how important Play is, is powerful and clear. Brené Brown writes in her Book “The Gifts of Imperfection”… “Play shapes our brain, helps us foster empathy, helps us navigate complex social groups and is at the core of creativity and innovation.” Dr. Stuart Brown the author of “Play “How It Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination and Invigorates the Soul” writes … “The opposite of play is not work the opposite of play is depression. “ And there it was, the writing on the wall. Play is important. I don’t mean at 45- years- old I need to run around playing tag or monopoly in fact neither of those things will fill my cup. But looking at the things I do that just bring me simple joy and meaning like: sitting around a camp fire, riding my bike, connecting with friends, listening to music and watching a movie. I finished my Target task and went home giving my bushes a knowing smile, “Not today perfectionism, not today.” I spent the rest of the afternoon on my deck enjoying the sun and connecting with family and friends.
If you are running too fast, running too hard and finding yourself wrecked week after week I would ask you to pause and think about what fills your cup. What brings you joy and meaning and then, darn it, go do it! Nothing allows me to give more to others than to stop and fill my cup. In fact, nothing helps me lean into new ideas and creativity more than playing. So get out there and PLAY!
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Author: Jamie Mosley
Jamie is board certified Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor and Certified Daring Way™ Facilitaor in Minnesota. She is passionate about living a wholehearted life. Dr. Brené Brown defines wholehearted living as “engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness.” She trusts that the wisdom to lead a healthy, joyful life is within each and every one of us and her role is to facilitate you in unlocking your own true wisdom.