No, I Can’t Stop Feeling Frustrated…The Journey of Enough (part 2)
“Can you stop feeling frustrated?” my husband said to me as I frantically ran around the house trying to get five people (two of them under the age of 5) out the door for an 8-hour road trip. I stopped dead in my tracks as my husband looked at me, in his always so -put-together calmness. “No,” I said, “I can’t stop feeling frustrated and the fact that I haven’t punched you in the nose is speaking to the fact that I am both feeling and managing my frustration.” My hubby looked me in the eye and said, “You’re right” and wisely moved in the other direction.
Part of the journey of Enough, for me, is OWNING ALL my feelings. I spent a great deal of time in my life fighting anger, pissed off, bitchy, tired, overwhelmed, and frustrated because somewhere I got the message that I wasn’t supposed to have negative emotions. That I should be this perfect wife and mother showering sunshine everywhere I went (For goodness sake I am a therapist) Screw that- I have all the emotions… And once I began to accept all the emotions I stopped beating myself up for feeling the negative ones.
Why? Emotions carry a message
Anger says “Hey stop that!” or “Something is wrong here, I need to do something.”
Sad says, “Hey slow down something hurts, honor that loss.”
Fear says “Whoa check this out. What is going on? Should we run or fight?”
Joy says “Do more of that…”
Emotions communicate a message: if I am sitting at the kitchen table crying, it invites the people I carry about to say “Hey what hurts? Let me help.” The more I fight having the negative emotions, the more they build, creating a fierce storm of rage that I eventually unleash on the people I love or implode upon myself. Nobody wins. It is about managing the emotion, not letting the emotion manage me. So when my son has dropped his sippy cup on the floor for the fifty time of the day- making that BANG that stops your heart or your husband tells you to STOP FEELING FRUSTRATED and you want to scream. Instead, I:
1. Notice the emotion as it fills my body
2. Name the emotion
3.Breathe and say “I am enough!”
It really doesn’t matter what I say after that. I know it will be out of my wisest self; managing the emotion….not fighting the emotion. So the next time someone says “Calm down” “Just Breathe” or “Can you just stop feeling frustrated? STOP… PAUSE… Just Notice, Name, and Breathe (slowwwwly). Then reply; “Nope, sorry, I am feeling my feelings and managing them.” Kiss your Brain, and Kiss Your Heart too.
Here at Conscious Healing Counseling, we provide mental health support for individuals, families, children, teens, & couples.
Our wholehearted, individualized approach facilitates conscious change so you can live an authentic life filled with love and belonging.
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Author: Jamie Mosley
Jamie is board certified Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor and Certified Daring Way™ Facilitaor in Minnesota. She is passionate about living a wholehearted life. Dr. Brené Brown defines wholehearted living as “engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness.” She trusts that the wisdom to lead a healthy, joyful life is within each and every one of us and her role is to facilitate you in unlocking your own true wisdom.